Participation Guidelines

SDR Group - Participation Guidelines

Our meetings are strictly confidential so that participants may speak freely regarding their personal circumstances should they choose to do so. We ask everyone in attendance to respect the privacy of our members. We are not here to judge, nor are we able to provide legal advice, but members do share their personal experiences with the group. We ask our group participants to follow the rules listed below to facilitate a quality experience for everyone.

Rules of Conduct and Interaction for the SDR Group:

1) We ask that everyone turn on their video at the beginning of each meeting so we can see who you are. It’s OK to turn off your video after introductions if you like – although I think it makes for a better meeting if everyone leaves their video on – but we won’t require that.  This will help with general security of the group and alleviate some people’s fear that their ex may be stalking them and wanting to listen in to what is said.  It also seems more respectful and interactive if we’re all looking at each other while discussing the deep topics we tackle – just like we would if we were meeting in person.  We also ask everyone to put their NAME and CITY or STATE in their Zoom NAME field so we can all better relate to each other.

2) This group is NOT a replacement for one-on-one therapy!  I wish we could delve deeply into each person’s life, to hear their full story and let them share everything they’re going through – but we just can’t! We have way too many people in every meeting to do that.  Some groups are intended as basic “complaint groups” (or maybe even “poor, pitiful me” groups) and so that’s what they do – they just let people talk, rant, complain, etc.  Our SDR Group is different.  We’re trying to present specific material each week that will apply to many of the people in attendance, not to conduct general therapy for any one person.  We’re talking about important divorce issues you will face with your peers.  It’s about learning that you’re not alone in what you’re going through.  Please stick to specific questions or issues – not an open, blanket statement like “how do I cope”, “how to I handle this”, “let me tell you just how bad my ex is”, etc.  In fact, you’re better off NOT looking too far forward as it’s just too daunting and scarry.  Concentrate on today, how do I get out of bed and function today, what can I do today to help self soothe myself, what positive thing can I do today to feel a little better, can I talk to someone else and maybe help them?

3) The divorce healing process is a marathon endeavor – not a sprint!  We can’t magically heal you in one meeting!  The process takes a long time and a serious level of commitment.  It takes months / years of continuous work and learning to improve.  Please be patient and work the problem week by week with us.

4) Treat each other with RESPECT.  Disagreements (and sometimes even heated arguments) will occur – but we MUST be RESPECTFUL and CIVILIZED at all times!  It is NOT acceptable to shame each other, denigrate each other, call each other foul names or cuss at each other!  This will NOT be tolerated by anyone and they will be asked to leave the group.

5) Trust the Leaders of the group to provide the best overall experience for everyone and stay focused on the content being provided.  We may need to cut a conversation short and move on to the next topic to stay on track.  Also, we reserve the right to remove anyone from the meeting that we feel is exhibiting combative or argumentative behavior that detracts from everyone's group experience.  We will remove the one (or the few) to protect the experience of the many.

6) The SDR Group is NOT a place to project your anger / bitterness onto others.  This is NOT a complaint group!  We’re here to do serious PERSONAL GROWTH WORK and become better at relationships.  If you want to argue (or push your own agenda) join a debate club.  The methods of healing from divorce that we convey are time tested and professionally validated.  Are there other things that may also work - sure, but we have our own methodology and if you don’t like it you need to seek help elsewhere – NOT try and change us.

7) PLEASE keep your speaking contributions BRIEF – perhaps 2 to 3 minutes max, 2 to 3 times per night.  Our goal is for everyone on the call to have an opportunity to speak and participate and not just hearing from a few, talkative people.  To delve deeper into your personal situation we highly recommend that every person going through the "Life Crisis" of divorce spend some quality, one on one time with a therapist, divorce coach, or other understanding professional.  NOTE:  We do encourage you to use the CHAT feature of Zoom to discuss some of your feelings that we don’t have time for during the meeting.

8) We are an EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GROUP – meaning we do NOT discuss Legal or Financial issues.  There are NO lawyers on our SDR Leadership Team and we don’t want to risk spreading bad legal advice and causing harm.  However, you can ask about these things from your fellow group participants on our SDR WhatsApp Chat Group.

9) Honor your fellow group participants and the healing journey they are on (even though it may be quite different than yours) and remember to keep what is said in our meetings strictly confidential.

SPECIAL NOTES:

* We reserve the right to exclude from our group any member that has shown inappropriate behavior, expressed threats or derogatory remarks to any other group member, or has in some way broken our Participation Guidelines.  This decision will be made by the Facilitator(s) present at the time of the infraction and if challenged will be voted upon by the 6 members of our Leadership Team.  NOTE:  This has been an extremely rare event – but people have been known to lose control of themselves when going through the devastation of divorce and their world collapsing around them.  This disclaimer is here simply to protect the majority of our group participants.

* We do welcome all viewpoints – however, if we disagree with something you say it’s because we have more knowledge and experience concerning the subject and we want to make sure the best possible advice / info is communicated to those in attendance.  We aren’t trying to put you down – or make you feel bad – or act superior to you.  It’s simply a matter of getting the best info presented and then people are free to choose whatever route they want to take.  Also, our role when facilitating is to keep things on topic, moving along and hopefully helpful to most of the people in attendance.  So if we cut you off and say it’s time to move on (or we have gotten off topic) PLEASE do not take it personally!  We’re simply trying to cover as much material as we can in our short timeframe.

THANK YOU for understanding and respecting the needs of everyone in our group!